St. Valentine’s Day is here. Social media is exploding with love-ads ranging from luxurious beach get-aways to Titanic-styled romance packages that promise to resurrect even mummified failed relationships. While this sounds good, many a guy out there will spend Val’s Day lonely. Here’s some uncomfortable news: It’s definitely better to be wrapped in the ambience of good titties than partake in vaseline-tissue-paper friction party.
In this post, I am promising you proverbial “snake oil” in four incredible ideas that will give you a good chance at finding love just in time. Let’s roll brothers.
1. QUIT CHASING THE IDEA OF THE PERFECT WOMAN
Incredibly, every year, NASA(The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) budgets on the average $20.6 billion for space exploration. A big chunk of those tax payer’s money goes into their relentless search for extraterrestrial intelligence a.k.a aliens. 62 years and counting, where the fuck are the aliens? Oh, wait, wrecking havoc in Hollywood!
Strangely, a lot of guys out there are “NASA-ring” in their search for the elusive perfect woman who only exists in fictional romance books and Disney flicks. Take this slap in the face: no family has mastered the art of churning out perfect beings. The last family to pull this off was in Nazareth 2000 years ago.
Dear man, no perfect woman exists. Every woman, just like you has deeply ingrained flaws with some having more emotional baggage than you can bargain for. Evolutionally, women have been biologically wired to find the best “mating partner”. Need a woman, yet, you don’t want to ace her shit-testing that comes with drama? Hold my beer mate.
Here’s the catch- it is your job to let go of this elusive search for “Miss Perfect” and find someone “good enough” for you.
THE RELATIONSHIP CONUNDRUM
As a man, you have two options: date for you or date for society. If you choose the latter, you are more likely to be highly unsatisfied. Reason being, in your quest to find love, the requirements of friends, family and associates will have a big influence.
Just imagine it was remotely possible to date Kylie Jenner. You are bound to be so popular among your peers. Now imagine deep down, you know you are this insecure guy who can’t stand your woman taking hugs from strangers. How will this turn out? Messy!
You might really not want this, but if you will do it for the sake of what other people will think, then you are dating for society.
Date for you and only you! To hell with everyone else. Do you know what tickles your mental loins in a woman? If you don’t, then this is a good time to write the qualities you find attractive. Go out there and find an imperfect woman who is good enough for you and whose flaws you can tolerate. This is really crucial.
2. QUIT COOKIE-WHORING
Ever dipped into a cookie jar? You basically have all these sweet-tasting cookies of varying tastes and shapes. Dipping your hand time after time, to find the perfect tasting cookie among plenty can be maddeningly addictive. If this is you in your quest to find love, then you suffer from the cookie-whore syndrome. You are a cookie whore!
THE PARADOX OF CHOICE:
In Barry Schwartz’s book, The Paradox of Choice, he explains people are more likely to suffer from choice paralysis(being unable to make a definite choice) when the options to choose from are several as opposed to having to choose one option from limited options. Imagine going to a flower shop and not knowing exactly what you want. You are likely to leave the shop empty-handed. Why? The options to choose from can be overwhelming. Everything looks enticing. This is the Paradox Of Choice- more is definitely less.
In relationships, The paradox of choice” makes us believe the grass is always greener on the other side. This is far from the truth in reality. In his book, he summaries people into two categories Maximizers and Satisficers based on the goal of choosing the absolute best and the goal of choosing something that is good enough.
ARE YOU A MAXIMIZER?
Maximizers are on the hunt for the absolute best and will scour through all the options only to find out, the idea of “there could be a better option” never goes away. They can’t choose. And even if they do, are highly unsatisfied. Does this sound like you right now? You are a maximiser!
Read the post: The Cookie Whore Syndrome to find out which group you belong to.
If you are good with women, you know the kind who has a harem of women orbiting in his life, you are going to have a tough choice choosing if you don’t know what you want. You will end up a maximizer always on the hunt for the absolute best until another comes along and changes your mind. You are never going to be satisfied.
Sit your ass down. Take a pen and paper. Cut down your options to the very minimum and choose. And still to your guns. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Pick one cookie, and keep your hands off your the cookie jar.
3. ATTAINABILITY IS A REAL ISSUE
A meme I found online recently cracked me up so bad. Yet, so revealing in throwing light on the issue of attainability. Let’s do a bit of role reversal here.
You might be shocked to hear this, you could be out of the league of the woman of your dreams. Yes, it isn’t always the case of “dream woman out of my league”. Attainability issues is a real thing. Have you actually stopped to ask yourself, “what kind of personality am I portraying out there with my lifestyle?” If you are out of a girl’s league based on looks, level of education, material wealth, fame, etc, a girl you like could go into “auto-rejection”. Think 50 Shades Of Grey!
Think about it, how many women in this world(let’s pick Africa) would realistically pursue a relationship with Justin Beiber? Almost 0! Why? He will be seen as too big a catch worth chasing. The overwhelming distance, the distraction of the spotlight will only render him an impossible dream. He ends up as wallpaper anyway.
Same could be going on with you. That cute girl at the office, thinks you might be too hard to get when all you do is fake-brag about being with women “better than her”. Being able to manage how attainable you seem to a woman is a crucial skill. Here are the 3 ways attainability could go:
- Are you too easy for her or too easy to get for her?
- You are too challenging for her to attain you(Justin Beiber example)
- You are challenging but she has a reasonable chance to get you.
ADDRESSING ATTAINABILITY ISSUES
If you have a problem with Option 1, it’s about time you got a big slap to your jaw. Stop making it too easy for women(rewarding them for zero investment). She takes forever to reply your texts yet keep sending call credit and good morning sweetheart messages. You are too easy. You will forever remain a friend!
Option 2: You hardly respond to her texts. You don’t look her way. Zero investment back from you despite her efforts, you will seem unattainable to her. Being too aloof to a woman is a vibe killer. It makes you hard to get. Just imagine being in the shoes of a random Instagram girl dm-ing a popular star for a year and a half with no hi back. Ouuuuch! Unattainable!
Option 3: This is the sweet spot. You should hit the balance of appearing hard to get yet giving her a chance of getting you.
While I will write a detailed post on this later, here are two ways you can go about it:
- Screen the kind of women you want to be with. She’s gotta know you have standards else, you will appear too easy for her.
- Reward her investment. Don’t stay too aloof.
Voila! Snake oil!
4. IT IS A GAME OF NUMBERS, CRASH AND BURN
A little over a year ago, after growing tired of being single, I decided to go rogue and talk to as many women as possible. One eventful week, I asked out 11 women out on a date. 6 flaked on me, 4 never picked my calls, but girl number 11 agreed to go on a date with me. Guess what? She is currently, that amazing woman in my life. The one I call my Bright Queen.
Imagine I stopped after the rejection of the 10th girl. There would have been no love story. It’s quite strange, people send many application letters to several organizations when looking for a job, yet think it’s immoral to do the same with women. This isn’t about being a player. It’s about not putting your eggs in one basket.
Take this from me, not every woman likes you. People have their preferences and you won’t cut it for them no matter how much you try. Deal with that and move on. Fine, you could be lucky this girl could back down for you but is it really worth the painful hustle? Thank you, next!
You’ve gotta plough through the fear of rejection till you meet her. Go out there and talk to many women as possible, there will be one who would see you as exciting as fuck and will want to bang your brains out. She is out there. Sitting in your room binging Netflix shows and porn won’t bring her magically to your door. Take a step into uncertainty, go out there, eat rejection for breakfast and find her.
Maybe all this sounds hard for you. No stress. Take some time to digest it all. After all, there are several 24 hours after Valentine’s Day to find love.
Good luck finding love. Don’t forget to tell someone about this blog, subscribe here and share your thoughts.