This question is probably one of life’s greatest mysteries. There are moments of darkness where out of the blue, people throw a flare of hope reassuring us-well people do give three-quarters of a fuck about us. Then there are moments just when we think people have got us, they throw the proverbial middle finger at us. Let me ask you, per your life experience, do people really care that much?
A RIDER’S CARE
I had a friend who was from a wealthy home. Call it whatever you want; while most of us got a pat on the back, he got a brand new top tier car on graduation day. Few days after graduation, we literally saw how a brand new car could transform a wimp into prime King Solomon. He changed in our eyes. He suddenly commanded respect and it was a blast hanging around him.

He obviously realized his change in luck and with this came an obsession to pay extra attention to his car. This would culminate in several clashes with authorities as he would constantly be late to work. When he broke the news he resigned from his first employment, I screamed ‘what the actual hell!’. He went on blabbing nonsense. So I asked him, ‘what would happen if you don’t wash your car for a day?’.
He had something to say every damn time. So we agreed to go on a bet: no washing of your car for a week and if you get more than four people commenting on how bad your car looks, dinner at any restaurant of your choice. Turned out in more than two weeks, no one literally gave a shit about how his car looked. Turns out people have bigger issues plaguing them to give a damn about him or his car.
And this is what we call the Spotlight Effect!
THE SPOTLIGHT EFFECT

This is basically a phenomenon that describes an exaggerated perception of other people’s interest in our lives. We are so self-conscious we micro-scrutinize our own flaws thinking others are noticing them as much as we do. I’ve got some good news for you! – face it, you aren’t as important as you think!
Just as much as you are at the centre of your world, so does it play in everyone’s world. Everyone is just as scared as you are, second-guessing and battling tirelessly to hide their insecurities from others who funny enough, are doing the same.

The faster you come to terms with it, the lesser the degree of anxiety you are going to experience in social situations. Trust me, no one noticed your skirt stuck between your butt-cheeks for those five seconds that felt like an eternity. Even if people did, they aren’t dwelling on it as much as you are doing.
The faster you come to terms with it, the lesser the degree of anxiety you are going to experience in social situations.
BUT THERE IS A CATCH…
All these changes when you are a popular figure or world-famous. The dynamics change. Suddenly your life becomes a focus of others who make a living scrutinizing your life. Your insecurities and spotlight effect are magnified a 1000 folds. Anxiety shoots off the roof.
Are you really ready for fame? Fame isn’t for everyone I guess. I don’t like it, and chances are if you are under the radar like every other person, you overestimate the quality of fucks people give about you. Hit the road, Jack!
THE REALITY IS PEOPLE ACTUALLY REALLY CARE MORE THAN YOU THINK
The incredible story of Jeremy Meeks is one for the tabloids yet buttresses the reality of people’s perception about us. In 2014, Jeremy Meeks, a former member of a notorious gang “The Crisp” was on the run. A fierce manhunt ensued with Stockton Police Department posting a photo of him on Facebook. Within hours, his mug shot had gone viral earning insane public adoration. He was tagged the “Hot Felon”.

While in prison, he scored a whopping modelling contract. Became the cover icon of a French luxury men’s magazine and to top off the madness, was hunted down by the daughter of a British billionaire businessman who “wanted his babies“. And that she did. In the space of a few months, he had gone from a convicted felon to superstardom. What was his secret? Look no further- his looks!
Turns out people care more. And more likely to judge us based on certain qualities we might underestimate.
DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF YOUR APPEARANCE
Do looks matter? If the story of Meeks is anything to go by, then yes. But there is more to it than blue eyes and genetics. The judgement of people is on autopilot. Within a few seconds, people scan for clues to create an impression before you open your mouth.
Their first point of contact is your appearance. From confidence tricksters to salesmen, these lads understand this principle of appearance-based auto-judgement hence their perfectly rehearsed routine of good looks, good dressing, convincing voice and perfectly timed mannerisms and body language.
Studies suggest looks can bias the way we are treated in the workplace, in school, in court, and in our personal lives: how much a person is paid attention to in their social circle.
In his book Beauty Pays, economist David Hamermesh shows that attractive people are more likely to be employed, are paid higher wages, are more likely to be approved for a loan, negotiate loans with better terms, and have better looking and higher-status spouses.
In short, people place a premium on your appearance more than you think. Even if you aren’t blessed genetically with good looks, you ought to have style! Appearance goes beyond facial beauty. Get rid of the oversized clothes, give your wardrobe a thoughtful revamp. Trim the scruffy facial hair. Take a bath, floss and brush.
If you never cared, it’s about time you gave a quality fuck about your appearance. It got a convicted felon reduced jail sentence, could do wonders for you. Well, unless you are a Nigerian youth, makes sense to dial down your appearance.

THINK BEFORE YOU POST
The social media landscape has changed over the years. You have no idea how fast a post could go viral. A bunch of extremely sensitive keyboard warriors are on the lookout to devour you. The issue is, you can’t control the scope through which people scrutinize your social media posts. A hearty joke could be the end of your career.
There’s no better person to learn from than Kevin Hart. The comedian’s “homophobic” tweet from 10 years ago when he had just started his journey to superstardom sparked public outrage.

Don’t play dumb thinking “my friends will know what I mean”. Social media isn’t a friends-only ecosystem. One wrong tweet, post or “like” could ruin you. Limit your madness to local apps like Whatsapp where you are sure it is the majority of friends who understand your context see what you write. You can’t go about explaining your context to strangers.
Block controversial people/people who have direct power over you from viewing your posts i.e parents, employers, work colleagues and pastors/religious leaders. And don’t be overly stupid enough to record sex tapes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
Don’t underestimate how much interest people have in your life nor overestimate their interest. The key is to strike a healthy balance. Practice being in the moment and living out of your head. You can only be on this path if you realize everyone around you is dealing with living inside their heads just like you.
Not many can tell a $12 ring from a $5000 wedding ring. People aren’t really paying that much attention to your exaggerated efforts. Dial it down.
People care about you genuinely more than you think. They might not be here in the now, but don’t underestimate this reality. Reach out to those who are in need. Learn to work on your appearance, don’t buy things to impress people who don’t know you even exist. And oh, keep your fuckery off social media.
Once again, I ask, per your life experience do people really care?
Cheers, DrC.
Your parting thought will keeping thinking for a while
Another great piece
Thumbs up
Another captivating masterpiece, very relatable and big up for the solutions provided. Keep it up dear and yeaa I do LOVE it.
I could really relate to this amazing writ. I used to care too much what people think about me until i realized I did not even exist to those people. It was heartbreaking to learn at first but it gave an air of freedom alas.The freedom to do what I really want to do and be without thinking about what people see me to be. It’s liberating! We are who we are. We can only work on ourselves with what we have! Thanks Dr.C🦾
You got my attention till the end, l love it DrC
Heya Monica! Totally appreciate you making time to read this post! Cheers
I can really relate Doc. Thank you for this wonderful piece On people do not care… In 2012, I ended up with six boys from my high school in the same class at Uni…About 5 of us were almost always broke getting to the end of the month…except one guy. He always had food…always. So we would all go to his room in Katanga for a feast…after lectures. It happened that we used to sit beside two foine babes in class…and ese w’ani…our silly selves would always discuss them after class…how beautiful they were… it appears the two ladies were… Read more »
Terrific comment! Got me on the floor. Lmaoooooo. I can’t unread what I just read. Hahahaha. Such a climax to the story. Turns out people don’t care that much eh? Hopefully many can learn a thing from this comment. It’s always a pleasure reading your contributions. Cheers Bonsuoba. You made my night!
😂 😂
Hahaha
This comment could pass as a full blog post 😂😂
Hahaha
I usually cannot do lengthy pieces because of my short attention span but boy!!! You held me spell bound to the end.
Very well written and researched
Keep being an inspiration!
Cheers to more years of writing
Amazing hearing from you! Thanks for making time to read and finding time to drop feedback. Cheers to a great week ahead Eno.
Things like this makes me keep working on who i am cos that’s the person am responsible for. I really like the article.
Great hearing from you Wilson. Glad you have made a decision to keep working on yourself. Pretty sure several months down the line, you will appreciate the person you will become…if done right. Cheers and looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Oh My! This is so soothing yet frightening! To know that people care and they don’t really care at the same time. I like that you didn’t just draw our attention but suggested ways to overcome them, you’re the real gem 👌✌️🥰
Kudos Dr. C❤️
Amazing hearing from you Sugar. Checked out your Youtube Channel! Great content. Glad you made time to read this post. I appreciate the feedback and comments. Cheers Sugar.
Insightful and straight to the point. Every line carried weight 👌
Great hearing from you Soy. Glad you made time to read. Appreciate the feedback as well. Cheers to a great week ahead.
This is an insightful piece, Charles. Keep up the good work. People do care about how we respect them by our own appearances. For example, you don’t expect to walk into a mosque with a tight and short dress. It won’t be appropriate and it will be disrespectful to their beliefs. So, it’s important that we always consider the context to decide how to look.
Great feedback James. True, people accord respect and value based on our appearance. And on the context bit, definitely spot on. Cheers James. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Very Interesting piece!
Glad you made time to read Justin. I appreciate the feedback. Cheers J
As usual, nailed it to the core!
You’ve said it all bro… took all the words from my mouth. Kudos man—keep inspiring us 🤲🏼
Blaise! Great hearing from you as always. Totally appreciate your feedback. Cheers
This piece is well thought out and pieced with real life examples. I often focus on how I see my self and less of how others see me, perhaps it’s from a point of being happy and genuinely getting work done, knowing that others will always have opinions.
Top feedback Nii! True people will have opinions and sometimes ignoring them completely can be suicidal. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Cheers
DrC @ it again. I guess the long anticipated wait has been brought to a great end by such a wonderful piece
I must admit the writing hiatus has been embarrassingly too long! Nonetheless glad, you made time to read this. Cheers Roo.