What is your biggest lie? For over 15 years of my life, I lived like a king or to sound modest, king of the world. I literally thought of myself the popular DC comic superhero-Superman. I believed I could fly. All I had to do was shout out loud a rehearsed cry and boom…three adults came running to my rescue, tossing me into the sky and making dumb aeroplane sounds“wheeeeeeeeeeee”.
I believed I could have anything I wanted. All I had to do when hungry was perform the old crying trick and boom! Giant boobs were shoved between my lips with creamy fluids squirting into my mouth.
I believed I was immune to sickness and probably never die(Read: YOLO). Then in the next 10 years that followed, I got terribly sick I nearly died. The people I once thought I had control over, had so much better shit going on in their lives they ignored my rehearsed tricks. Friends I thought held me high treated me like moth balls(only useful when exposed naked to make them feel better) and my once goddess Cleopatra pulled a Brutus on me – broke my heart.
Take a deep breath… Recount some of the dumbest lies you have ever believed or told yourself. Do you still believe in them like my old self, did? Probably not. But if you still do, let me share with you life’s biggest lie – if I had (that one thing) my life will flip the amazing switch.
The Broken Model of Happiness
If you looked closely at the confessions of these two email readers of mine, you would realize a common theme: If I had this one thing, my life would be amazeballs!
Close your eyes, take a wild pick of what your one thing is. Is it securing that dream job, buying a fast car, getting married, dating a porn star, buying a house, getting a boob job, growing a horse size penis or whatever? After reading the confessions up there, I don’t have to break the awful news to you-
This is what Neil Pasricha, New York best-selling author calls the broken model of Happiness.
Broken model looks like this:
Study hard- make straight A’s – better college -better job- be happy!
Work extra hard – make more money -buy your dream car – be happy!
Unfortunately, this model doesn’t work in real life. In real life, we work hard, have big success but instead of being happy we set new goals. Why stop at a college degree when you can have a Masters? No reason to stop at
Truth is we never get to happiness with this defective model. You are always an elusive “one” goal to true happiness.
THE INFLUENCE OF EVOLUTION
Whatever you are today is a sum of 1000s of years of evolution. Instinctively we are evolutionarily wired to exist in a persistent state of dissatisfaction. It is what kept our
Life was brutal back then. If one ancestor was satisfied with what he had, he was a step closer to disaster. He was a failed hunting session away from starvation. Why not fight for the next piece of land to secure the futures of incoming young ones?
Fast forward to present day and this ruthless script has been hard-wired into our brains. It was a strategy to enhance survival at all cost. Remember Abraham Maslow’s theory of needs? Survival is key!
Unhappiness is nature’s way of keeping people on their toes. It’s a crude system, but it has worked for thousands of years.
David Cain (This Will Never Happen Again)
The Right Model of Happiness
Honestly, we can see how much of a poor happiness strategy this is, even though biologically it makes sense. If we are ever to become satisfied or detach from life’s biggest lie, then to an extent must, we must alter this wiring through learned behaviours, conditioning and a change in mindset.
HOW TO OVERCOME LIFE’S BIGGEST LIE
Detach your happiness from outcomes. Do you know what outcomes look like? Unpredictable.
Achieving one goal doesn’t lead to permanent happiness, it works backwards. Happiness leads to success which brings more happiness. If you are happy, you will perform better at work, have a better marriage and what do these bring? Happiness!
The magic is in the journey, not the outcome. Learn to enjoy the ride. Embrace the struggle, enjoy the journey. That is where the beauty is.
Come what may(outcome), I will enjoy the journey. To hell with the outcome. I will appreciate the now, not some unpredictable future.
If you are always looking for “that one thing” it becomes quite difficult to appreciate what is now. There is beauty in “the now”.
A wise man once said,
There is beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success
There isn’t one thing that would give you permanent happiness. Happiness is an upward journey.
Read : A Curious Case Of Happiness: Why You Aren’t Happy Despite All You Have.