Originally posted on letswryte.wordpress.com

Everyone has one, no two ways about that – that friend you picked out to be the best, who loves to see you happy but never better than them. Well, I’ve dealt with my share of these friends and I still do.

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Friends… Photo courtesy Unsplash

My most recent exploit with a fake friend ended in a way that always tickles me at the mere thought of it. One day we are best friends, with our families being close and the next day, total strangers! Yes, I was completely out of the picture. Friends became strangers and families gradually grew apart. Why does this happen? How do people become this way? That’s a question we’ll never find an answer to.

The older we get, the harder relationships get, and that’s just an undeniable fact.

The closer we get to self-actualization, the more friends we tend to lose. People will love you when you are average because it makes them comfortable around you but when you pursue greatness, they tend to be allergic to your dreams and do everything possible to discourage you. Being mediocre makes others feel better about themselves, but the moment you decide you want to achieve more, you start to see some people pull away from you.

You can’t worry about who doesn’t like the changes you are making or the new person you’re becoming. They may be childhood friends, co-workers or even family. You have to do what’s best for you regardless of who is uncomfortable with it. Life teaches us to make changes, not excuses. If they are meant to be in your life, they will respect your decisions and help you grow.
We have a significant number of people in our contact list who view our status almost immediately when it’s posted but don’t bother to extend pleasantries in the course of that. “So far as they can post, they’re fine”- their favourite slogan. The most accurate moment to scrutinize the number of contacts you have is when you’re celebrating or experiencing an important phase in life. That’s when all the ‘ghost names’ which have been MIA for centuries become the friends they should have been. These friends can be likened to old musty clothes in a closet. They make the locker so crowded and messed up leaving you to think there are a lot of options to choose from only to realize it’s full of unsalvageable clothes. However, the moment you take time to clear it out, there will be much more space for new ones. I think it’s high time we did some formatting. It’s time to clear out all those contacts we haven’t heard from in a year or more. I doubt they still qualify to be in the friends’ category. It’s time we let them go.

The story of the frog

frog in boiling water.

A frog put in a vessel of water with rising temperature tries to adjust its body temperature accordingly. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is incapable of adjusting anymore. At that moment, the frog then decides to jump out but is unable to do so, because it has lost all its strength whilst adjusting with the rising water temperature. Very soon the frog dies. I’m sure you might be wondering what actually killed the frog. Many would say the boiling water…but the truth is the frog’s death was caused by its own inability to discern the right moment to take the leap.

There’s more pressure, more drama, and more reasons to want to walk away from difficult situations but there’s no worse feeling than being the person on the other end of the fake friendship -the one that actually cares. We need to be sure when to adjust and when to confront and face these friends. There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action. If we give them the chance to exploit us physically, mentally, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so with no remorse.

Stop chasing people; if they cut you off or ignore you, let them go. Let those who naturally gravitate to you enjoy your energy. We have to decide when to jump from those unproductive relationships and cherish those who are there by choice not because we always chase them every time they try to escape. Let us jump while we still have the strength.

It’s normal to want a friend. Some friends are once-in-a-while-going-out-to-lunch friends, some are deeper, more important and caring friends, the majority are somewhere in between. Don’t expect all your friends to be concerned about you on the same level. You might take a bullet for someone and they’d be extremely upset your blood splashed on their second favourite shirt.

Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship. So to the fake friends out there, it’s been a while and very soon we’ll be letting you go, but before that, a little piece of advice:

The world does not revolve around you: you are definitely not oxygen, we can always live without you.

Letswrytes

“YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO BE AS GOOD AS THE PEOPLE YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH…SO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LET GO OF THOSE WHO KEEP WEIGHING YOU DOWN”

Letswryte…