In 1984, the late mercurial rockstar, Freddie Mercury, release a song titled: Money Can’t Buy Happiness. It went on to become a smash hit and got a lot of people singing: ” Mmmm, money, hey, can’t buy happiness No, no, money can’t buy happiness”.

How much truth is in this statement? Can money truly not buy happiness? Fact or Myth? Read on!

Let’s end this blog post in this paragraph! Money can’t buy happiness is downright the biggest horseshit you would ever hear your entire life. Beat me to a better one -oh, right! 72 virgins with double D titties frolicking in Paradise waiting for you after suicide. Do female suicide bombers get the same rewards? Let the feminazis argue it out!

Where the hell did people come up with this bullshit anyway? Think I have a clue….

ORIGIN OF THE MYTH

In the year something something, a bunch of broke men who hadn’t had a titty-rub in decades decided to meet somewhere in Townsville, a small suburb in God-knows-where. The agendum of the meeting was discussing tactics on how to live with their noisy rich neighbours who on a daily basis kept flashing their wealth and parading their spouses who had gorgeously sculpted asses. Try as much as they could, they basically found no solid points to buttress their envy.

Then the news broke! Monsieur Havre-Itall- the wealthiest man in Townsville had just committed suicide falling into the path of an oncoming train. Yes! They all screamed in unison! The babbly chatter continued for 3 hours. And finally, they came to an amazing mantra that would be passed on to their kids, you reading this and several generations after – “Money Can’t Buy Happiness”.

THE MOMENT THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING:

Last year mid-December, while doing my rotation in Gastroenterology, I managed a patient who suffered Severe Ulcerative Colitis- an inflammatory bowel disease. Basically, for no sin of yours, immune reactions(inflammation) destroys the protective lining of your guts(intestines). This kid had bloody-diarrhoea up to 10 times a day. He was wasting away, pale like a ghost(at this point he had had 7 haemo-transfusions) and cried all day due to excruciating pain.

Hearing him call to me every day with his fragile voice was heartbreaking. All we could do was support him(medically) as much as we could hoping his family could cough up over GH¢9000 per session of Infliximab(immune system suppressing drug). He had to get 4 sessions of this medication to go into remission(little or no sign of disease process). Are you reading this right? GH¢36000 in total!

The day I met his parent, a tear rolled down my eyes. I try as much not to be extremely emotionally attached to my patients but realizing, with only a mother to support this child- who was struggling to buy boiled eggs for this kid, all hope was thrown out the window. I was locked in deep thought.

Deep down I knew the kid was going to die. Fast forward 3 months later. I had moved to a different rotation and forgotten about this kid. Then while walking to work one fine morning, I heard a tiny voice calling from behind “Doctor, Doctor!” Well basically in a hospital setting everyone is called a doctor. I kept on walking. The voice kept following. Then I turned around. And to my surprise, it was the kid! All fattened up and smiling. My heart skipped a beat.

“Holy shit!” I ran towards him and gave him the deepest high-five I had ever given anyone. Hell, I meant that with all my heart. I went to his mom who was sitting close by and engaged her in a chit-chat. She was beaming with indescribable joy. I told her how happy I was to see her child and jokingly asked her which food did the trick(asking how she got the money didn’t sound like a good idea). Then she said: ” The whole Muslim community raised funds to pay for the treatments”. Damn it, I exclaimed in my head. “God bless them so, much” I replied.

Fellas, the Muslim community gave her son another shot at life and that required Money!

THE TRUTH YOU MUST SUCCUMB TO

“Riches may not bring happiness, but neither does poverty.”

Sophie Irene Loeb

Money is good, let no one kid you. Money can’t buy happiness is a scripted lie a bunch of broke people coined to justify their miserable lives.

Growing up, we are all brainwashed into believing wanting money is wrong and unethical. People drum a lot of bullshit into our heads like “Money is the root of all evil” yet, they are the first to wake up in search of money(are you reading this, dear parents?).
Stop playing with our minds! Your local pastor quotes Matthew 6:33 (forgotten what the verse says in details but it reads along- seek ye first the kingdom of God and it’s righteousness) yet, encourages you to give huge offerings and tithes. He gets the script, the world runs on bills baby!

Look at some of the poorest countries in the world. What do you find there? Crime, misery, hopelessness, disease, suffering, and skyrocketing death tolls. Do these sound like happiness to you?

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but trust me it is so damn important you can’t disregard it. Love doesn’t pay medical bills neither does love pay the rent. It definitely doesn’t provide financial security. Teddybear hugs and a choir singing Michael Jackson’s – We are the world wouldn’t have saved that kid’s life. Money did!

THE SIMPLE REASON MONEY CAN BUY HAPPINESS!

Money can buy food, a place to lay your head, clothing and warmth- if you can tell me how to be happy without these things, let me know.

FOUR AMAZING THINGS MONEY CAN BUY THAT BRINGS HAPPINESS

1. EXPERIENCES:

I have dreams of having coitus in outer Space one day. Will I achieve this dream by being broke? Hell no! Is it that dream wedding, that beautiful dress you are eyeing from that store, is it that get-away-escape to a tropical island, or the smell of fast moving air while on a jet-ski? These are all experiences money will give you the chance to experience. Tell me having your dream come true won’t make you happy!

2. SOLUTIONS:

A.k.a throw money at the problem! I hate handwashing my clothes. It drives me insane. Besides the fact it eats a lot into my free time, it is dreadful and leaves my hands sore. Throw in money and boom- a washing machine. Problem solved. I can sit reading the latest blog post on LifeHacks with Dr.C with the sound of the robot working its ass off for me in the background. Maybe yours isn’t handwashing. Yours could be, having a child after trying so many years. With money, you could afford IVF(In vitro fertilisation). You might say it doesn’t always work, but hey your chance at childbirth increases dramatically from 0 to over 75%(I don’t know the stats and I’m lazy as hell to check. Teach me!)

3. BETTER RELATIONSHIPS:

One of the keys to happiness lies in how you relate with others. With money, you could enrich and deepen the depth of your relationships. You could get them gifts on special moments in their lives. The pleasantries must sometimes become physical goodies. I will take a “Congrats on achieving this” and smile but hell, get me a fast car and my physiology will definitely change. You can finally take that guy you’ve been crushing on out(what a man can do a woman can do better,huh?) You could attend special occasions where your chances of meeting amazing people increases. In short, you make better classes of enemies.

4. PEACE OF MIND

If you have ever been broke, your landlord won’t be the first person you want to see at the end of the month. Back then when I was a student living on the pockets of my parents with a bunch of expenses on my head, I dodged my landlord so bad, I probably would have made it into professional American football. Throw in unforeseeable events and, the comfort of knowing you have the cash to defuse every situation is bound to bring you happiness!

One of the greatest luxuries money can buy is the freedom not to think about money. Financial security is something that really contributes to people’s happiness.

Gretchen Rubin

WHY A LOT OF PEOPLE AREN’T HAPPY WITH ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD

I used to ask myself this question everyday. Why do rich people commit suicide? These celebrities have it all yet kill themselves. They are hooked to drugs, addictions and what not. Why chase money when this is the end of it? Then I realized, the poor committed suicide twice the rate of the rich. The poor are addicted to the worst of things. What was the difference? They had no media coverage.

I discovered the true reason a lot of people don’t have happiness in their lives is that they have a broken model of happiness. They live with the “that one thing mentality” – if I get X, I would be so happy. Only to get X and realize it wasn’t that worth killing themselves for.

What if you saw happiness in a different way? I will recommend you read my amazing post on this mentality.

Read: That One Thing: Life’s Biggest Lie

THE END

Several years down the line, Freddie Mercury realized how stupid his song was and said:

Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!

Freddie Mercury

I have been broke in my life before and I have tasted financial success before and I can tell you in Dan Lok’s words: Better to be a rich son of a bitch than a poor son of a bitch.

VERDICT: MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS IS HORSESHIT!!!

Before I truly end this post, share your thoughts on the picture below. Cheers, Dr. C