What do you feel when the first 10 seconds of your favourite all-time classic hits your eardrums? Do you feel an unstoppable sense of euphoria? Or unwavering nostalgia-induced goosebumps all over your skin with an influx of childhood memories?

In my world, I just grab anything within sight usually my stethoscope, plug the ear tubes and sing along into the diaphragm. In a blink of an eye, I shapeshift into 2Face Idibia strumming along to “African Queen” with a bazillion of Brazilian beauties all vying for my attention with their massive cleavages!

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Or become my African version of Michael Jackson, singing “We are the World” in front of an orchestra but instead of Lionel Richie and Phil Collins featuring, I’ve got J. Cole and Kendrick Lamar having 2 minutes each to spit pure rap to settle the conundrum of every rap fan- “Who is the king of Rap?”.
Just as I am at the brink of having a slap of reality, I become the Bee Gees rocking an electric Guitar at a packed Wembley Stadium with millions of fans singing “Shooooow! How deep is your love…”

Apologies for the selfish egomaniac ranting up there, I know you are probably thinking, what in the world has 2Face Idibia got to do with “cookie whore-syndrome” or who cares about your hopeless romantic taste in music, Dr.C?

Well, hold on a sec. The Inspiration for this blog post came while listening to a music compilation from The Gym Class Heroes.

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Gym Class Heroes are downright one of my favourite music groups. With smash hits like Stereo hearts ( I actually sent the hook of this song in a letter to my love interest in Mfantsiman Girls) and the inspiration of this blog post – “Cookie Jar”.

Cookie Jar song featuring The-Dream has some of the best metaphorical contents that pretty much sums up a guy’s world:

“I want to be faithful but I can’t keep my hands off the cookie jar.”

Let’s be frank, whether you are in a relationship or single, there could be an insatiable desire for variety. The obnoxious thought and feeling that stealthily screams, “the girl next door might be better than our current.” And if you are currently, single, you are technically spoilt for choice: More dips into the cookie jar(can’t make headway in choosing).
Take a step outside your home or to the mall and feast your eyes on the nth wonder of the world – a variety of women/men of exotic shapes, race, colour and size.

A story….. 

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Some five years ago, me and a childhood buddy, sat at the edge of an empty gutter chit chatting and idly watching people pass by.
Size 38 F’s went by, Moesha-like bums, the waist trainer hippies passed through, pseudoanorexics popped up, the “malnourished” and then came the jaw-dropping bombshells; who looked like they would have been easily hand-picked by Hugh Hefner to star on the front page of the African edition of the Playboy magazine.

We kept on saying, “I like this one! No, wait! This one rather!” “Oh, my Gaaaard! That’s the girl of my dreams!”. After changing the girl of our dreams, an insane number of times from the fleet of women that went by, it was at this point, I realized, I was experiencing  “the cookie-whore syndrome”the feeling the next girl out there is better than the current, only to realize there is another “next girl” better than the dreamy “next girl”. 

Do you realize one incredible phenomenon happening up there? I couldn’t choose!

Freedom of Choice: A cursed blessing?   

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Some 70,000 years ago in the Paleolithic era(Stone Age), all mankind had to do was hunting and gathering for survival and maybe having rampant intercourse to ensure its existence. You were born to be a hunter or a scavenger. Your survival was your utmost priority! To hell with the number of likes you got from posing with your club and hairy face!

Fast forward to the millennial era, and you could choose to be an astronaut, scientist, doctor, faith healer, an engineer, fashion designer, musician, an “Instagram model-struggling-to break-the-internet”  or slay queen-Yikes!

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You could be this guy too! Lmao

The freedom of choice, life has brought is amazing, isn’t it? Think of it, since the dawn of smartphones with WiFi connectivity and what not, we can virtually be anywhere at a spot. You could choose to live life virtually through the eyes of Luke Skywalker; beating the hell out of Kylo Ren with steroid-induced light saber action sequences(check out Star Wars the Last Jedi!) or be in fictional Korea watching the latest Kaiju invasion through an illegal stream, while stalking to see if your boyfriend is online and hasn’t shot you a text regardless of the fact that you have a month’s worth of piled unread lecture notes and a champions league final few minutes away.
The dilemma here is we basically are asking ourselves all the time, should I choose this over that?

The Multi-Million Dollar Question here is, is this good or bad news?
The answer is yes!

The Paradox of Choice:

I have to admit, I sometimes am jealous of my friends who are in relationships especially those married. The reason for this jealousy stems from the fact that they have mustered courage in settling for one person! On my side, I’ve got a plethora of female friends with lots of amazing and diverse personalities. I’ve got those the football lovers who can have endless arguments over whose team is the best. Then are those who can barely name a football player besides Asamoah Gyan(Sucks huh!).

Call it unfortunate, but I once settled for the latter, and life was pretty much explicitly boring as hell as I felt restricted and asphyxiated with boredom. A day didn’t pass without reminding myself of how perfect life could have been if I had chosen the former.

Let’s call football lover= Option A. Option B= Football chucklehead.

You probably are wondering why I chose option B if I option  A’s love for football excited me? Well, option B had a huge booty and heck I felt like a rock star when strolling with her!
Fast forward and I’m still single and it’s so damn hard to choose right as past experiences produced huge regrets on the things that could have been with Option A.

With so many phenotypic varieties of men and women out there to choose from, two things are bound to happen:

1. If you have to pick one person out of a lot of options it can sometimes prove a herculean task.  If it’s in the context of marriage, you’ve got a sudden death penalty situation. Choose wrongly and you are doomed! With such a dilemma you’ve got to get it right. Right?
The cumulative effect is, you are going to experience what is called choice paralysis-you hesitate in choosing and could end up not choosing at all!

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What marriage could feel like! Photo courtesy Art.com

2. Even if you overcome choice paralysis and choose one out of a lot of options, you might end up being less satisfied with the result of our choice than if you had fewer options to choose from.

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This here is The Paradox Of Choice: More is Less!

“The paradox of choice” makes us believe the grass is always greener on the other side”.
American psychologist Barren Schwartz in his book “The Paradox of Choice”, pretty much explains this dilemma of Choice. Since our focus is on relationships, let’s cut out the consumer ideologies.

In Barry Schwartz’s book, he summaries people into two categories Maximizers and Satisficers based on the goal of choosing the absolute best and the goal of choosing something that is good enough.

The Maximizer:

If your goal is to seek and accept only the best of partners, you are a maximizer. You see maximizers he argues need to be assured that the decision they have chosen regarding their choice was the best that could be made. How possible can anyone truly know a given option is absolutely the best possible? The only way out – check out all the alternatives.

Uncertainty is the ultimate maxim of maximizers. They have to be damn sure! A typical maximizer finds a girl he might consider dating(let’s call her Ama), then, he asks himself, “what if I could find, a slimmer girl with perfect teeth majoring in Astrophysics? He decides against choosing Ama. What if I could find a bby_yo kind of girl who is nerdy and loves playing call of duty? On and on it goes creating a daunting task as the number of options increase!

In short, they are grossly unsatisfied and unhappy.

The Satisficer:

Satisfice comes from the combination of two words – satisfy and suffice.
In Economics this what is termed Bounded Rationality, a termed coined by Hebert Simons.

The alternative to maximizing is to be a satisficer. To satisfice is to settle for something that is good enough and not worry about the possibility that there might be something better.


~Barry Schwartz( The paradox of Choice)

To hell with what’s in the Caribbean and Nevada!

The Catch:

As a maximizer myself as I have come to realize, it seemed fair to say satisficers appear to be willing to settle for mediocrity right? That wasn’t the case as I interviewed my friends who were married/ in relationships. They had criteria and standards too! The only difference between myself and them was that they were content with the “good enough” as opposed to aiming for the “elusive” absolute best.

Are You a Maximiser or A Satisficer? Well, you know yourself best. Figuring the answer to this question honestly is a massive step in your dating life.

What to do:

While being a maximiser seems much of an adventure. If you’re probably holding out for something better, chances are you might be “chasing the wind” only to realize you left all the good options behind. What happens next is the desperation to choose anything that comes your way as you age which could end up being someone wrong for you!
Think of all the 30 something old women out there desperately looking for a partner. Nasty endings mostly.

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Photo courtesy Pinterest.

To avoid falling into the maximising trap, if you think you’ve met someone and it could be something good, give it a fair chance!
Otherwise, you might be holding out for a fairytale that could never happen.

sandy et TIlly
Every guy has a stereotypical girl of his dreams. I realized such a girl might never exist. To hell with that! Titi makes me happy and that’s enough to make her special!

I officially quit Cookie Whoring!!!

Share your thoughts in the comment section below. Cheers, DR.C

Cover Image Credit: congerdesign from Pixabay